Elective Decisions

Harrisburg, PA—In what can only be construed as an attack on McCain’s character, Obama claimed that John McCain wasn’t an authentic American hero.  The claim came the day after his speech on patriotism and Wesley Clark’s attacks on McCain.

In a question and answer session with reporters, Obama remarked that patriotism was “supporting your country and your government when it deserved it.”

“However,” crowed Obama, “I do not question John McCain’s patriotism, rather, I question his American hero status.  I would love for someone to tell me how getting shot down and spending time as a prisoner of war makes you a hero.  If that’s the case, I would tell you that you’re smoking some wacky weed.”

Obama’s criticism of McCain spurred even more outrageous comments from Wesley Clark.  “I couldn’t agree more with Senator Obama,” decried Clark.  “McCain hasn’t heard the thump of mortars, nor has he seen the flash of tracers.  He is a loser!  I’m the hero!”

“There are those that have questioned whether I’m an authentic American, and there are also those that have questioned whether I’m authentically black,” claimed Obama.  “I am here to tell you that I am an authentically black American.  Therefore, I find it fitting that I can question John McCain’s American hero status.  Is it authentic?  If so, would someone please provide the adequate documentation?  John McCain would have been more of a hero to me if he had thrown himself on a grenade.”

McCain’s response to the virulent attacks were to claim that it didn’t help reduce the price of a gallon of gas, and that it was “unnecessary,” making one thing perfectly clear:  It will be a long campaign season if McCain continues to turn the other cheek.