Elective Decisions

Denver—With the Democratic National Convention approaching, it appears that Denver will stop at nothing to get the homeless off the streets during the convention.  The actions have created a swarm of homeless to descend upon the city.

Some of the ideas being floated by Denver city officials include sending the homeless to the movies, to the zoo, and even sequestering them in local homeless shelters.

Lately though, a couple of new ideas have surfaced.  One involves busing the Denver homeless to Pacific Bell Park in San Francisco to watch the three game series between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants.  The other is compromised of sending the homeless to the spa of their choosing.

The Colorado Coalition for the Homeless (CCH) are the chief architects behind the new ideas.  They plan on getting as much for the homeless, feeling it’s time for society to step up and help those in need.

Jon Parvensky, President of the CCH, is insistent that the city do something, rather than harass, which, according to him, is the customary form of behavior.

“We need to take care of homeless,” insisted Parvensky.  “I just want them somewhere they can be without being harassed.  Besides, the taxpayers of Denver owe it to them.”

“This just sounds like another way to get rid of them,” quipped Kayne Coy, a 17-year old that feeds the homeless through the Food Not Bombs organization.  “Can’t we all just get along?  Can’t we make love not war?”

Linda Stiles, a drifter for many years, has heard the rumors. “Did Mayor Hickenlooper say that there were NO homeless people in Denver? Well, me and plenty of my friends are about to change that! He needs to see real homeless people up close. Warm up the veggies and TV – we’re comin’ in! Denver in August? Who needs a shelter?”

Bill Shamansky of Topeka’s Wonderland Tours said, “We’re used to busing folks into Branson. Our fees have gone up since gas reached $4. In these tight times, fewer people are willing to fork over the cash to see Jim Stafford or Andy Williams. Most of our fleet has been parked for a while now. We thought we would go under. Ever since Denver started offering up free HDTV and organic food, we’re seeing folks selling all they have for a ticket. It doesn’t matter to me – I go both ways. Heck, if things look good, I just may stay.”

“I’m headed to Denver,” stated Mary Pershing, a 51-year old homeless lady in Los Angeles, California.  “I’m going to live high on the hog off the taxpayers of Denver.  It’s about time.”

“I haven’t seen a movie in years,” claimed Jimmy Perzinsky, a 47-year old homeless person from Raleigh, North Carolina.  “Next stop…Denver, Colorado!”

“This is a time when the Democratic Party will come together,” noted Barack Obama, D-IL. “The last thing I want to see is an entire city of homeless people doing without. Making them full and happy is the goal of every Democrat. We’ll start with five loaves of bread, two fish and plenty of television and go from there. It isn’t called a party for nothing.”

With the weight of the full power of the Democratic Party coming down on Denver, it is certain that the homeless will not raise a stink during the convention.