Elective Decisions

Hollywood, CA—Hollywood, endorsed by Rolling Stone Magazine, has put out a new Muslim-based product that is facing some resistance.  The product—Rock Me Sexy Mohammed T-Shirts—were created in response to the new “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” gear that has become the rage in America.

The “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” gear, a line of products from the release of the film, Hamlet 2, has become loved across the nation, even showing up as ring tones for phones.  The ring tone mirrors the musical hit, “Rock Me Sexy Jesus,” the driving force behind the product line.

So, as not to appear religiously intolerant, Hollywood ramped up their efforts to produce the Rock Me Sexy Mohammed T-Shirts.  However, the move created a backlash across the Muslim world, with t-shirt sales taking an unexpected downward turn and falling flat.

With Hamlet 2 now in theaters, it was a foregone conclusion that Mohammed would not be excluded from the comedic genius.  Although he wasn’t mentioned in the film, he has been placed on his own line of merchandise.

“I’m not really pleased with the comedy but I guess I must go with it,” stated Mohammed Bin Mollah. “America can make fun of anyone. Mohammed is not excluded.”

“It made sure to take shots at Christians, gays, Latinos, Jews, the American Civil Liberties Union and Elizabeth Shue,” stated David Halbfinger of The New York Times.  “However, assaulting Mohammed like this is beyond the pale.  What will our enemies think?”

“Uh…uh…uh…this is not how you bring the world together,” stammered Senator Barack Obama, D-IL.  “We are…uh…all citizens…uh…of the world, and garb…uh…like this don’t do America any justice.  It is just another reminder of why we’re hated across the globe.”

“I don’t care who complains about the new product line,” fired Daniel Zatorra, President of Marketing for Focus Features.  “I’ll pull the line when monkeys fly out of my butt!”

“This isn’t the only thing we’re working on,” noted John Marcus, VP of Marketing at Focus Features.  “We’re taking this as far as it can go.  Our next line will be Rock Me Sexy Moses T-Shirts for the Jewish population.”

With tempers flaring and sales dropping, it’s only a matter of time before Hollywood must act on the Rock Me Sexy Mohammed T-Shirts, insuring they don’t become a victim of the tolerant religion of peace.