Elective Decisions

Knoxville, TN—In what could land David Kernell in prison for up to five years, the hacking of Sarah Palin’s email account is, like David Kernell, completely misunderstood.

On Wednesday, Kernell was charged with one felony count of accessing a protected computer for allegedly breaking into the private Yahoo e-mail account of Sarah Palin, R-AK, cooking up his own original recipe.  Kernell has plead not guilty to the charge, and noted that he will have his day in court.

“My time will come to give my side of the story,” stated Kernell, a 20-year old University of Tennessee student.  “I believe I am a patriot, and that will all come out in court.”

Critics of the indictment say that the actions were necessary to help elect Sen. Barack Obama, D-IL, as President of the United States, and that “hacking into Sarah Palin’s e-mail account is as patriotic as paying taxes.”

“I think this is an outrage,” fired Tennessee Representative Mike Kernell.  “My son is innocent of a malicious act.  He is defending his country from extremists like Palin!”

Even Kernell’s former middle school teacher, Tracy McDaniels told Elective Decisions that Kernell was a bright kid, but was often misunderstood, despite a similar incident occurring back in 2000 during his seventh grade year at Eastern Hills Middle School in Harker Heights, Texas.

“This happened one time before,” quipped McDaniels.  “He hacked into the computer at school, printed off the answers to an exam and then used them to cheat.  We didn’t think it was that major of an infraction.  The principal wanted to make a big deal of it, but we just gave him detention.  You don’t want to give smart kids like that a complex.”

“This kind of behavior shouldn’t be tolerated,” claimed Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-CA.  “Unless, of course, it concerns Governor Sarah Palin, then it is entirely appropriate.  My thoughts and prayers are with the young man.  He has a great future in the Democratic Party.”

As the Democratic Party has attempted to destroy the housing market, the war in Iraq, and any chance at becoming energy independent, David Kernell is only another reminder of why there should always be conservatism.