Elective Decisions

Chicago—In what could only be interpreted as stabbing American parents in the back, Bill Ayers and Senator Barack Obama, D-IL, plan to mandate the reading of The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx in all public schools upon his election as President of the United States.

Elective Decisions has learned—through an anonymous spokesperson at the Heritage Foundation—that Bill Ayers would be tapped to head up the Department of Education, thereby changing American schools from within.  According to Bill Ayers, this is the kind of policy that is bold and would insert “a little anarchy” into American schools.

“This is a huge step in creating a brave, new America,” stated Ayers.  “It’s time the asinine principles of capitalism be thrown out.  We owe this to all the workers of the world.”

The policy is reported to be implemented for all schools—beginning at the kindergarten level—so that no child will be left behind.  This, according to the staffer, will begin the inculcation of America’s children.

“The guy is warped. He’s lost it,” claimed a Newsmax spokesperson. “Once the voters learn of this, they’ll send this guy back to Russia. Well…Chicago…same difference.”

Other properly selected works are to be mandated reading as well, such as Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler, Cuba: Heaven in the Caribbean by Miguel Tonto, The Life and Death of Adolf Hitler by Robert Payne, Mao Tse-Tung: Ruler Of Red China by Robert Payne, and Joseph Stalin: Russia’s Blessing by Zergy Dumkoff.

“I told you.  This guy is nuts,” fired the Newsmax spokesperson.  “I can’t turn back now.  With Bill Ayers as his friend and mentor, cranking up my car makes me sweat.  If I’d have come clean, my wife would be collecting on my insurance.  Michelle Obama would’ve made sure of that personally.”

“It’s about time our children learned something other than those misguided principles handed down by our Founding Fathers,” quipped Senator Joseph Biden.  “Senator Obama is ‘The One’ that can change America.”

“Change isn’t just something that happens,” noted Obama.  “It starts from the bottom up.  Just like the economy.  We start educating at the kindergarten level and when they graduate high school, we’ve got good little Marxists.  It’s as simple as that.  Then, the workers of the world may unite.”