Elective Decisions

Washington—One year into his term, President Obama has announced that he will be forced to bailout his historic Carbon Credit Program that had been instituted to help reduce carbon dioxide emissions.  The sudden development comes on the heels of the unexpected announcement of a new Ice Age for Europe, Canada, the United States and Russia.

Unfortunately, many companies subscribed to the newly minted carbon credit certificates overnight, now finding their subscription to be worse than bankrupt—an oversight the Obama presidency failed to predict.

The catastrophic news came as researchers in both Britain and Canada stated that the “now-vilified greenhouse gases might help in the future to avert a chill that could smother much of Canada, Europe, the United States and Russia.”

The study—done in part at Edinburgh University—is reported to be based on tiny marine fossils and the Earth’s shifting orbit.  It did not, however, mean that the world should stop fighting the menacing human emissions that produce global warming.

“We could have the new Ice Age in 10,000 years,” said American scientist Thomas Crowley.  “But that doesn’t mean President Obama needs to push the panic button.  This is entirely unwarranted.  Carbon credits are good.”

As the noose tightens, Obama will have to issue the bailout credit along with the carbon certificate, suitable only for framing in the corporate office—the only residual value left.

And, as usual, companies that pay their CEO’s more than $250,000 will not be eligible for the bailout credit, which is unfortunate for Joseph Wurzelbacher and his new plumbing business.

A despondent Joe said, “I gotta pay 75K for the certificates I needed to install heating systems. The gubermint says I can’t pass along the cost to my customers but now I can’t sell the certificates as promised, either. That was how this whole program was sold to the American people. Now I have to eat the whole deal. I’m moving to Alaska.”

“People are hurting out there,” claimed President Obama, “and if we don’t bail this program out now, it could result in financial catastrophe.”

Tell it to Joe, Mr. President.

Conceptual hat tip goes to NonValueAdded.