Archive for February 2009
Obama To Kill Hugh Moore Mules’ George And Hank
Easton, PA—To thousands of children, Easton’s Hugh Moore Park was once a sanctuary of playful bliss. Many families flocked to the park for a day of relaxation and fun. Hundreds of people chose to ride the Josiah White II while sharing fond memories of their childhood with their families.
However, a sinister evil lurked along the Lehigh Canal, an evil that only Barack Obama, and his Homeland Security Department identified as terrorists, those that would harm the innocent citizens of Easton, Pennsylvania. The evil came in the form of two mules: George and Hank—mules that have now been identified as Al-Qaeda operatives in their pursuit of jihad against the American infidels.
George, age six, and Hank, age 8, had been on the federal watch list for a while, but it wasn’t until their act of violence four days ago that the Department Of Homeland Security moved in for the kill. The raid was led by Special Agent Julie Hefernan of the Federal Bureau of Investigations.
“These mules have to be put to sleep,” claimed Hefernan. “They’re a danger to our American way of life. We’ve been keeping an eye on them, and if not for recent testimony, they could still be out there in their blood thirsty quest for jihad.”
The eyewitness testimony came from James Fragle, a 38-year old unemployed Staff Accountant, taking his daily stroll along the canal at noon on February 23, 2009.
“It was horrible,” Fragle exclaimed. “I was walking along the canal when I heard the rabid cry of ‘ramming speed, George and Hank; ramming speed,’ and the boat began to bear down on this tiny canoe with a single mom and her kids. It was awful.”
“I looked up to see that the cry came from Carmen Pirouette—one of the handlers,” Fragle continued. “As she shouted, ‘Allah Akbar,’ George and Hanks’ eyes turned blood red. Then, Jan Francisco, said, ‘We’ve got the infidels now. Full speed ahead!’ It was awful. Thank, God that everyone was wearing a life jacket. They were able to jump out of the canoe and swim to shore safely. This event has been seared in my brain. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the horror of that day.”
After examining all the evidence, the Department of Homeland security, with the cooperation of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, moved in on the Hugh Moore mules, taking them without incident. The raid found hundreds of bags of mule dung, commonly used in making fertilizer for explosives.
Both Carmen Pirouette and Jan Francisco, were handcuffed and thrown into the back of a police car. As they hauled Jan Francisco off, she said that “she was glad it happened, and that her only wish was that her brother, Sam was here to see her jihad against America.”
The execution for the Hugh Moore mules has been set for March 15, 2009, pending result of appeals filed by Representative Charlie Dent, R-PA, serving Pennsylvania’s 15th Congressional District.
“This is absurd,” stated Rep. Dent. “These mules are no more terrorists than I am. Barack Obama has got to stop this insanity!”
Despite appeals, the outlook is bleak for George and Hank, appearing to have committed their one and only act of jihad on America.
“Barack Obama wants the nation to know that America is safe under his presidency,” explained Janet Napolitano, Homeland Security Secretary. “He is just as stubborn as those jackasses. Americans should sleep better, knowing there will be no mercy for terrorist mules in America.”
