Elective Decisions

Carol Stream, IL—Ron Bellarsky once lived a normal, happy life, going to work and home on a daily basis.  But lately, Ron has been distracted.  Far too distracted to go to work, take care of his kids or even get a good night’s sleep.  It isn’t Barack Obama prancing through Russia that has him distracted.  It’s Sarah Palin and her resignation that has left an ugly scar on his world.

At least that’s what Bellarsky claims.  He says that she’s interrupted the smooth flow of every day life, and “that she needs to just go away to help bring all things back into focus.”

“This is ridiculous,” claimed Bellarsky.  “I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since July 2^nd.  Can’t she just go away without all the press coverage?  She ruined my entire life and destroyed my July 4^th holiday.  Stop the insanity!”

Once a mild mannered postal employee, Bellarsky continues to suffer under the Palin speculation and constant media coverage.  “It was an awful experience,” stated Bellarsky.  “I went into work on Monday, and I couldn’t even sort the mail.  I just shrunk into a corner and started sobbing uncontrollably.”

“He has improved,” added Barabara Bellarsky.  “Since the shock therapy, he doesn’t sit there and drool anymore.  I can see hope and change on the horizon.  Now if we can just get that Michael Jackson out of the news, life would be wonderful!”

As pundits, media and Americans at water coolers continue to speculate on Palin, psychiatrists everywhere wonder just how many Americans will suffer the same fate as Ron Bellarsky.