Northeasterners Fear Palin’s Exodus Will Lead To Hee Haw In The White House
New York—Even though Palin’s exodus has the media buzzing, there is a quiet whisper in the northeast that this could lead to a 2012 Presidential bid for the White House. Throughout the halls of Harvard and Yale, and in the Washington D.C. beltway, a growing apprehension is turning into fear.
For many “conservatives” inside the beltway, Palin’s resignation as Governor of Alaska means only one thing: hoedowns at the White House. This, of course, would be acceptable only to the rubes that occupy flyover country—the same kind of Americans that dared to elect Ronald Reagan and advocate for the social conservative cause, an unmitigated disaster for all things fine in life.
As the silence continues from Palin, “conservatives” in the northeast are scared out of their wits. Not only does she no longer have the Republican Party to keep her “in line,” but now she can drum up support amongst the “natives,” sitting down to eat grits with southerners, going hunting and fishing with hicks in the Midwest, and worst yet: frequenting sites like Free Republic—an internet site that makes even the brightest of Harvard intellectuals feel as though a veil of shame has been draped over them.
“Her attire is ghastly,” cackled Peggy Noonan. “She is a fashion train wreck, and doesn’t she have something like twenty children? It’s awful to think of her in our White House…it baffles the mind.”
“What’s even scarier to think about,” commented New York Times Columnist David Brooks, “is that she might even serve Sloppy Joe’s at a cocktail party. Not to mention, she fishes and hunts. Oh, God, now I need a Martini.”
“This woman could tear down the entire Republican Party,” said Joe Bankston III. “She practically has no money, her husband works for a living, and she’s admitted that she’s a protestant. And you’re out with three strikes as far as I’m concerned.”
“Every time we talk about her at cocktail parties,” stated Andrew Sullivan, “the movie Deliverance comes up. It would be as if we had the television show Hee Haw on display for the rest of the world. And to make matters worse…she’s pro life. Dear God help us all!”
“I’m afraid I fear the worst,” added Peggy Noonan. “All she needs is Buck Owens and a banjo. The thought of that makes me queasy. All one needs to say when talking about Ms. Palin is that she is liked by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Mark Levin, and that gets a belly full of laughter at a cocktail party. God almighty! Where have all the good “conservatives” gone? Too bad Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t a native born citizen. He’s the sort of strapping individual we need.”
I would rather have the Beverly Hillbillies in the White House than the current lot of rabid metrosexual marxists.
In fact, I’d vote for Jed Clampett over anybody in the current political landscape.
Sarah & Todd Palin are the closest thing to the common-sense, hard working, self sustaining people portrayed by Jed Clampett, so they’ve got my vote.
And I’m from the Northeast!
Westbrook
July 7, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Well said Westbrook. She represents the spirit of America. And I rather have a sloppy joe than the crappy Russian caviar.
cgpb
July 7, 2009 at 6:04 pm
I’m gonna have to pilfer “metrosexual marxist”. . . Classic
As for Mrs. Palin. . .
Sarah Palin . . . A Congress Of One.
Can we say “Death Panel” & “FaceBook” . . . Phi?
tahDeetz
September 8, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Yeehaw! Let’s get that there girl elected. I wanna see me some liberal heads burstin’. By golly, this could be down right fun!
bb2
July 7, 2009 at 5:52 pm
The predatory morally reprehensible unhinged left on steroids.
What about the Clintons who tried to steal anything that was not nailed down when they moved out of the White House. And Lewinsky Gate. Talk about trash.
It stands to reason if good deplores evil. Evil deplores good. The left is so intimidated by Sarah Palin they will stoop to any level to take her down.
Such fools, they keep her name in the news. The more they attack the better she looks, and the more rabid they appear.
velvethammer
July 7, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I’d agree, velvethammer.
electivedecisions
July 7, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I know this is satire meant to mock educated conservatives, but as an educated conservative, I think this is insulting our very valid reasons for opposing her.
I think I speak for most if not all “elitist East Coast conservatives” when I say we are wary — and weary — of Palin due to her lack of temperance, philosophy and judiciousness.
Also, she seems to be tonedeaf to the same “flyover country” people she claims to rally for; her interview in Time mag indicated that her response to the recession would be to reject an expansion of health insurance benefits and social safety nets required during a recession.
I believe that in her quest to rally the rightwing base on meat-and-potatoes issues, she is philosophically and temperamentally ignorant of the economic situation millions of middle Americans are facing, which necessarily will call for increased social welfare.
I am not sure if the GOP really has a shot in 2012 unless it accepts this fact, un-PC as it is.
Phi
July 7, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Her response 2 the current state of the economy, would be 2 cut taxes, regulation & generally foster an environment that promotes, & trusts, the private sector.
What we have now is a “restrictor plate” on the engine that has powered American exceptionalism.
How do you like my Nascar reference?
She would not lord over the country in a vain attempt to be at the center of a command-control economy, which has been proven to fail, every time . . . No matter the respective State Leader’s educational bona fides.
Sarah Palin . . . A Congress Of One.
Can we say “Death Panel” & “FaceBook” . . . Phi?
tahDeetz
September 8, 2009 at 12:22 pm
This fellow nails the problem with the GOP right on the head. They lost in 2008 because McCain and his people blocked discussion of the “meat-and-potatoes issues” that motivate social conservatives. He is a typical fiscal conservative, concerned only with his portfolio and personal situation, and knows nothing of Midwestern values. He is why the GOP lost.
One specific claim made must be addressed: “she is philosophically and temperamentally ignorant of the economic situation millions of middle Americans are facing…” Palin is by far the lowest-income figure being seriously batted around for a 2012 Presidential run. The truth, thus, is that she is almost certainly the MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE of the common person’s economic situation. It is people like that commenter who are ignorant.
Thanks for posting, buddy! You made a great example!
Lee
September 8, 2009 at 12:57 pm