NFL To Sue Al Sharpton And Jesse Jackson For Libel Over Rush Limbaugh Ousting
Rush Hudson Limbaugh III
New York—In a stunning show of support for Rush Limbaugh, the National Football League™ has decided to sue Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson for $300 million in libel over his ousting in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams.
Sharpton and Jackson, who led the charge in spreading slanderous and libelous racist statements, are now going to have to pay for their thuggish tactics in agitating the mainstream media, the sports media and Americans in general.
NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, is spearheading the lawsuit, realizing his egregious error in the generation of revenue that only Rush Limbaugh could’ve added to the National Football League™.
“I would like to personally apologize to Rush Limbaugh,” stated Commissioner Goodell. “I had no idea that Rush had that much talent. His talent is utterly stunning. Any man that has an ability to generate a minimum of $300 million for the National Football League™ deserves the most profound of apologies. We’ve run the numbers and the numbers don’t lie. I now fully prostrate myself at his feet! And since we can’t get it from Limbaugh, now we’ll get it from Sharpton and Jackson.”
When asked to comment, Sharpton noted that “it’s typical of how white America has suppressed the African American people for the last two hundred plus years.”
“When any league backs a racist,” claimed Sharpton, “it can only be for one reason: racism! The monetary claims are just part of the broader conspiracy of the man keeping us down, forcing the African American community to struggle in the ghetto!”
Hundreds of sports writers and mainstream media types agree that Rush Limbaugh is a racist, despite the fact that he has an African American employed on his staff.
But millions of Americans wonder just how racist someone could be that believes in the success of the United States of America, and those that drive it–something the lawsuit will certainly determine.
When asked for a comment about Limbaugh’s employing a black man, the Reverend Jackson said, “I know Limbaugh claims that ‘Snerdley is a call screener,’ but maybe someone should ask Mr. Snerdley what kind of shoe polish Mr. Limbaugh likes on his shoes, or if he uses turtle wax on his limousines. The man is a racist. Period. If he’s a conservative, he’s a racist. That’s just how it is. No token black man is going to change that.”
“I don’t care what Sharpton and Jackson say,” added Commissioner Goodell. “This is about money, and nothing tops $300 million dollars. So I hope they have some deep pockets.”
When asked to comment on the lawsuit, Rush Limbaugh simply replied, “Mmmm…Mmmm…Mmmm!”
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